I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
