Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
