just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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