How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
