whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
