New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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