Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
