Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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