My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
