i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
