don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
