tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
