NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
