I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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