So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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