I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
