Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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