There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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