so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
