Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
