Only a mothe r could love this liver
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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