Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
