at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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