Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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