Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
