im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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