omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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