Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to get me chipped asap
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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