my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
