I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
