So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
