i need an iv and a liver transplant
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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