**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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