I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
