I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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