It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
