We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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