Will you blow on my dice?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
