im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
