It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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