did you get engaged???
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
