he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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