Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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