I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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