It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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