Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
