This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
