Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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