I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
