This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
