Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
