Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
