shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
