it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
