I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
