i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
