when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
