the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
