to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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