I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
