There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
